It is the perfect weather right now in the evening, night and morning to leave my air units off… and you know what I discovered? Trains! And morning birds. It is really nice living in an alley, it almost feels like I am on permanent vacation here. It’s like I have my own street! There is nothing better than going to sleep at night listening to the faint sound of trains passing by, and waking up to happy chirps outside. I hereby name my little byway Westminster Alley for all referential purposes. :D
I saw my therapist yesterday after a good three-week gap in between sessions. The last time I went I was feeling pretty great, and while I still do feel relatively good, I had some specific things that I wanted to talk to her about. Even though I have made huge leaps and bounds discovering and becoming more like my authentic self, there are certain situations where I am still having a hard time being the real me. It is usually when I feel anger or disappointment, I absorb all of the negative feelings inside instead of communicating how I feel. Sometimes I masterfully (or not so masterfully) try to paint an image of what I think someone wants me to be, and that usually backfires pretty quickly on the best of intentions. It isn’t about becoming what someone else wants you to be, it’s just about being yourself. Growing up I think I was taught to suppress negative feelings, especially anger, so I am going to try to express that better in the future instead of creating a ticking time bomb. It’s ok to feel and experience anger when it’s authentic. While I always come away from my sessions with Andrea with new things to think about and improve on, one thing always remains – I am very proud of myself for staying on the quest for true happiness. It isn’t always easy, but I feel like I give it a pretty good shot most of the time.
While striving for the best possible life is admirable, the darker sides have a lot of offer as well. There is always beauty in pain, and learning in suffering. Feeling hurt gives us perspective, and let’s us truly appreciate when things do finally go the way we’d like. For me, being able to express myself when I am not happy will give me greater access to who I really am, and therefore the people who are compatible with me. It isn’t always sunshine and 70 degrees, sometimes it’s hot as hell and miserable. Sometimes is freezing cold and mind numbing. And it’s OK to hate it when it’s not nice outside.
